It has come to light today that well-known skinnymalinks model Kate Moss moonlights as a starving child for charity advertisements designed to bleed guilt money out of people mulching their kidneys with hamburgers. Ms Moss, who shot to fame modelling for Calvin Klein, hunches up her globally famous six-foot frame in order to pass for a malnourished nine-year-old in the ads, which air on television at all hours of the day. An anonymous source said, "Even with excessive zombifying makeup, Kate Moss' face is recognisable as that of the child in the ad." There is as yet no confirmation in the rumour that the "excessive zombifying makeup" spoken of was manufactured by Ms Moss' previous employers, the cosmetics giant Rimmel.
Boris Fortescue, a spokesperson for the Lovely Little Children charity which runs the advertisements, expressed surprise and dismay at the discovery. "I am surprised and dismayed," Mr Fortescue revealed in press conference today. "I had no idea that our ads didn't use real children. Furthermore, I am concerned that a woman who is rumoured in every tabloid to be a cokehead and an anorexic is perhaps not the best role model for the mass media-starved children we are trying to bring to a global audience."
Ms Moss' on-off-on partner, the unprosecutable smackmeister and Babyshambles frontman Pete Doherty was unavailable for comment.
save yourself the price of confetti...
15 years ago
1 comment:
Hi Claire, I was wondering, do you write this material simply as a hobby? It is excellent satire, and if you aren't engaged to write for someone else, I would like to offer you the chance to write for a national satirical newspaper. Contact me at alex@thetartpaper.com if you're interested!
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