POSH IN AIR-EATING SCANDAL

Amid an increasingly fervent size-zero debate fuelled by celebrity magazines and the gutter tabloids, Victoria Beckham has allegedly embarked on a hydrogen-only diet. "The element hydrogen makes up a proportion of the air that we breathe, but is ignored by the body in favour of the higher-energy oxygen," states Posh's diet advisor, Californian Tiffany Bones. "By using hydrogen instead, Posh can slim down to the newest size, -2, which is healthy for her height." The ex-Spice Girl will be fitted with a chemical converter to extract hydrogen from the air and infuse it into her bloodstream. The diet is the eighth that Posh has been on since July. Previous diets include only eating hermit crabs, whortleberries and green tea.