HEATHER NOW "GREENER THAN LINDA"

Troubled Scouse spouse Heather Mills is now officially greener than her estranged husband's first wife, deceased vegetarian Linda McCartney, following her decision to go vegan last week. "Linda was only ever lacto-ovovegetarian," stated an inside source. "Heather wants to go one better and really demonstrate her environmental credentials. Ethi-polls demonstrate that Ms Mills' decision has hit the green spot, and that she is now perceived as twice as green as her no-longer-with-us love rival. Poll participants rated her at a high level of greenness, agreeing with adjectives such as "sage" and "jade" to describe the exact shade. However, the McCartney family have hit out at the poll results, branding them "unfair". "My mother was three times as green as Heather," reportedly raged Heather's fashion designer stepdaughter Stella. "It's just an attempt to grab headlines." Heather's ex-husband, the obscenely rich former Beatle Paul McCartney, was allegedly seen to be smoking the green, and therefore unavailable for comment.