BOBBY AND FREDDIE TO BE NEXT JADE, SAYS SIR MAX (OR DOES HE?)

PR guru Max Clifford today spoke for the first time of his plans for after Jade Goody dies.
Clifford, who has been laughing all the way to the bank since the cancer-stricken reality TV star revealed that she is dying horrifically young of a terrible disease, stated that he had plenty of ideas for life after Jade.
"I'll sell exclusive rights to the funeral," he mused, toying with a jeroboam of champagne in front of a rare Renoir, "of course, to either OK or Hello, and then whoever doesn't get the rights will have the option of buying a series of articles on how Jade's little sons are coping. With lots of big pictures of their pale, tragic faces."
Mr Clifford declined to comment on rumours that he is planning to "train up" Miss Goody's sons Bobby, five, and Freddie, three, to replace her as his number one cash cow.

WELLARD: WHERE IS HE NOW?

Soap pooch Wellard spoke exclusively to the Scandaless today about his plans for the future following his recent departure from EastEnders.

Clad in a figure-hugging lycra collar and lead ensemble that paid tribute to the success of his recent fitness DVD release, Walkies! with Wellard, Wellard was looking good as he confirmed that he has plenty of plans in the pipeline.

"I'll probably go down the daytime TV route, maybe guest on breakfast shows, do a spot of presenting, then join all the rest of the ex-EastEnders actors in The Bill or Holby City," Wellard told reporters.

He added: "I'll also do a revealing shoot for FHM or Nuts as soon as I have had minor surgery, and following that I expect Celebrity Big Brother will come knocking. By that time EastEnders will want me back again. So I've got it made, really." Wellard also revealed plans to continue to socialise with his doggy ex-castmates Betty and Terence, "especially Terence," he added, with a knowing wink.

X-FACTOR SERIES PRODUCTION STOPS AS CHERYL SNAPS IN HALF

Production of the new X-Factor series has stopped abruptly as judge Cheryl Cole snapped in half yesterday. The sudden bisection happened while Ms. Cole was trying a new pose with a half-twist designed to show off her "best angle" to the ferociously snapping cameras of the papparazzi. The twenty-five degree angle she is thought to have achieved at the top of her spine shattered several vertebrae as well as more than one rib, causing Ms. Cole to snap completely in half. The injury is thought to have been due to the excessive dieting Ms Cole has engaged in during the years. Her current weight is four and three-quarter ounces.