HEAT! MAGAZINE IN "MADE UP" SCANDAL

LONDON:- It transpired today that popular celebrity gossip mag Heat has made up various people to feature in its magazine as celeb icons of fashion and lifestyle. The purely imaginary people include Geri Halliwell, Colleen McLoughlin and the entire cast of the last series of Big Brother. "We pay out-of-work actors and homeless people to wear ridiculous versions of the latest fashions so that we can put a big red X to them in the magazine's Style section," admitted a spokesperson for the tree-wasting rag. "And we point at them and laugh for having cellulite."
The magazine, which in true Poundland style costs a mere pound, defends its actions: "We are giving the dignity of work to these people," stated Heat's spokesperson. "Literally hundreds of bored office workers who make up our demographic look to people like Colleen to help them make informed choices about whether to wear knickers out and whether Kerry Katona's fiance looks like a smackhead or not. We provide a service."
The concoction of flamboyant lies came to light when local man Devon Coutts-ffinchley was refused service at a soup kitchen. Devon, 29, had previously appeared in the fame-grubbing publication as Jeff Brazier, a one-time boyfriend of equally tangentially-famous Jade Goody. "They said I was stealing food from the mouths of the needy," shared Devon between sobs of starvation. "I swore that I wasn't famous, but they said they'd seen me in Heat putting my bin out in a tatty old dressing-gown, and drove me away."
Added Mr Coutts-ffinchley with desperation in his eyes: "I thought Heat would give me work and a way to get off the streets. Now I'm starving to death in a ditch."
Asked what Heat had to say, their spokesperson added defensively: "Look, it's an OK mag. And we do TV listings."
Readers of Heat barely flicked their bored eyeballs away from the TV when informed of the news.